Cultivating Connection: The Power of the Brahmaviharas

{ Helvetica; **Speaker A**: Hi, this is Margaret Maloney, and welcome to the Death Dhamma podcast. In a series I used to read, occasionally one character would say to the other, may you live in interesting times. It was understood that this was a curse, where interesting times meant chaos and difficulty. Well, we do live in interesting times. I mean, don't we always? So this season, together, we will explore equanimity and chaos, recognizing that many aspects of life are beyond our control. Let's find a sense of balance and peace amid external chaos.

Hello, my friends. Today we take a return visit to the Brahmavahras. I say it that way because we've discussed them in previous seasons, and I believe that you are familiar with the Brahmavaharas and you know that equanimity is one of them. We live in our heads and in our hearts. We meditate sometimes in our heads, right? Being more analytical, working on concentration, and we also meditate from our hearts. And this season, as we focus on equanimity, most of our discussion is directed toward our hearts with a little bit of analyzing what leads us to think and feel as we do when we are either, you know, in favor of or against people, ideas and things, right?

And so you've encountered the Brahmavaharas in your practice, in your readings from your teacher. Here, you know them as you know the four sublime abodes or the divine abodes, meaning where to dwell, right? It's an abode because we want to dwell there. So where to dwell or where to stay, where to be, in terms of how to consider other beings, the goal being to come from a place of love, to be able to contemplate others from a place of love. And you can see the value and the challenges of this practice.

Because you, you know, being human, right? Even when times are viewed as peaceful, it might feel easy to look out at the beings around you and view them with love, at least until they disagree with you or make a choice you don't approve of or inconvenience you or cause you distress. That's when the practice of love takes on deeper meaning and for most of us, becomes a bit more work. Now, as a reminder, these four wishes towards others is love expressed in this way. Metta, or goodwill, right? The desire for the welfare and happiness of all beings.

So the opposite of ill will, right? Karuna, or compassion, understanding the suffering of others and the desire to remove the suffering. The opposite of that is cruelty. Mudita, appreciative or sympathetic joy, which comes from when we see others experience success and good fortune. When good Things happen to other people and we're happy for them. So, you know, the opposite of that would be envy, right? Discontent. And upeka, our friend, equanimity, impartiality towards living beings, where impartiality is not a negative thing.

And I bring that up because probably in the culture I grew up in, to say you were impartial towards someone meant uncaring, meant not wishing someone harm, but just like, I don't care what happens to them. And that's not really it. That's not the kind of impartiality we're talking about. And the opposite would be, you know, attachment and resentment, right? So when we express the Brahmavaharas, you might consider including this chant, this phrasing in your day, in your practice. May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.

May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May all beings never be separated from the supreme joy that is beyond all sorrow. May all beings abide in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion. And remember, all beings, you are one of those beings, right? So we say this, we call them the dwelling, divine dwelling or abodes, because they're the right or the ideal way of how to conduct ourselves towards other beings. Towards other beings. They provide the answer, if you will, to how to behave in social contact.

They remove tension. They help us have peace, especially in social conflict. They help us heal our wounds as we struggle through being human. And they take care of social barriers, or they help to break down social barriers and build, you know, more harmonious communities and awaken feelings of generosity toward others. It helps us feel good and generous and loving toward others. This helps us to revive joy and hope and goodwill, promoting brotherhood, community against the forces of egotism. And.

Well, equanimity is the focus of our discussions this season. Equanimity is not detached or separate from Metta, Karuna and Mudita because we need all of these elements, all of these divine abodes together to saturate our minds. And we want to have our minds be fully saturated with everything. Metta, Karuna, Mudita, and of course, equanimity. And this helps us follow the Buddha's instructions of, you know, cherishing all others, all living beings with this open, radiant, boundless heart, radiating kindness over the world.

And so when we can abide in this loving state at all times that Sabalim abiding, then we are able to have this radiation of love and kindness for all, which obviously again goes back to decreasing anger and lack of community and fighting and all of those kinds of things. So if I can develop this state and be in this state more often than not, then I'm going to be coming from a place not from hate or envy or contempt. I'm going to come from being from a place of loving, of coming from the heart, making coming from the heart my home, just as I would want others to extend this kind of love to me.

So to continue on with some thoughts on meta, Karuna and Mudita, because don't worry, in our next episode, we'll think of that as like a part two of this discussion. We're going to, you know, come back to focusing a little bit more on Opeka or equanimity. So first, Metta, right? So Metta is it's love, right? And some people say goodwill, but when we say love, not like romantic love, not the kind of love that brings about, you know, passion, like physical passion, it is the kind of love that cures more than it hurts.

It's like a soft hand that you might place on someone who's sick to help them feel better. And it's, you know, unwavering and unconcerned with whether or not you are loved in return. That's not an easy one, right? To love without concern of whether or not you are loved in return. It's a comforting kind of love. It's life giving. It's warm. It helps those who feel cold and abandoned to understand that they are loved. And for those whose hearts might be empty, it helps to fill those hearts. It's a nobility of the heart and intellect, knowing and understanding and being ready to help.

So another way is that it said that it's a strength and it gives strength. And this love, the highest form of love, the highest manifestation of this love is when we can give this love. We're showing the world the path to the end of suffering by living and practicing what the Buddha taught us. And that takes us to Karuna, or compassion, right? And compassion, in a way, helps us understand our own destiny. Because when we look at the life of others, a couple of things. One, we might see how much harder their lives are than ours, right?

So I know one time when I was going through a difficult time, when I was a new newly on my own after my family had died, one of my teachers taught me to sit and meditate on the suffering of others who were in a similar situation, who had lost loved ones and think about their suffering. And that, of course, helped me put some balance and rein in some of my suffering, right? And the truth is if we are without compassion, one day we're going to need compassion, right? So if our compassion for us others is lacking, then we're going to have to keep having long and difficult karmic experiences until we understand and are able to exhibit compassion to others, right?

So the compassion of the wise doesn't make you a victim. Your thoughts and words will be full of compassion, and your heart will be strong, it'll be unchanged, and you'll still be able to be serene and calm. That's a little hint of the role of how equanimity works with the other divine abodes too, isn't it? Right? And so some of the highest manifestation or form of compassion is when you can live and dwell in compassion again, just like we said, with loving kindness with Metta, you're showing the world the path to the end of suffering because you are a living embodiment of what the Buddha has shown us.

And then that brings us to mudita, or sympathetic joy, right? You will gain in joy when you share the happiness of others. When you look at the happiness and joy of others and act as if it's your own. And I don't mean in a way of like, you know, selfishly taking credit for other people's deeds and successes, but I mean sharing in it in a way that you are as happy for them as you would be for yourself, right? That is going to help everyone gain in joy. Because life can be difficult. I mean, we do say that, you know, there is suffering, so life can be full of struggle, but life also has happiness and joy.

And if we teach one another to seek and to find that joy and to rejoice with others, then we are increasing that joy. Because the teachings aren't just about suffering. There is also joy. So celebrate that joy when it comes not just to yourself, but to others, because this is beneficial to all noble and sublime. Joy helps us on the path to have release from suffering, right? Because if we're depressed by grief, but we are able to find that joy and share in that joy, that again will bring us some of that calmness to bring us to that contemplative state of mind.

Another hint about how equanimity plays a role, right? And it's when our minds are serene and calm that we are able to keep moving forward towards the wisdom that can lead to liberation. And as you might suspect, just as we've been saying, the highest form of metta, the highest form of karuna, the highest form of mudita, is when we are able to show people here's the path that leads to the end of suffering. And they see this path because they see us living it right? So we're going to stop here for today.

But before we do, I want to bring you back to the contemplation on the four sublime abodes, because this might be something that you can include in your practice, in your meditation. It is also going to ultimately help you with equanimity and it's going to help you with having that type of love that we want to extend the kind of love to the world, to the other beings around us, because it is this love that is going to help free all of us. So may all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.

May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May all beings never be separated from the supreme joy that is beyond all sorrow. May all beings abide in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion. Thank you for being here. And as has been kind of my traditional wrap up this season, remember, pace yourselves, take care of yourselves and your loved ones, and protect the unprotected. You've been listening to the Death Dhamma podcast with your host, Margaret Maloney. Thank you so much for being here.

Come find me on margaretmaloni.com M A R G A R E T M E L O N I and until we meet again. May you be well, may you be happy, may you be at ease, and may you be free from suffering. Bye for now.

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