The Art of Letting Go: Insights from a Stuffed Frog

0:00 { Helvetica; **Speaker A**: Hi, this is Margaret Meloni , and welcome to the Death Dhamma podcast. In a series I used to read, occasionally one character would say to the other, may you live in interesting times. It was understood that this was a curse where interesting times meant chaos and difficulty. Well, we do live in interesting times. I mean, don't we? Always. So this season together, we will explore equanimity and chaos, recognizing that many aspects of life are beyond our control. Let's find a sense of balance and peace amid external chaos.

0:03 Hi, everyone, and welcome, and thank you for listening as I share with you today the story of my stuffed frog. So the other day, I found some odd, like, you know, sand like substance on my dresser. And at first I thought it was termite droppings because I do live in an area that the termites love, and so I have some familiarity with termite droppings. But then I realized that this was something different. And I looked at the dresser and I realized that the source of these little sandy things was, sadly, my little purple and green frog had been torn open.

0:03 I had this little purple and green frog that was, you know, kind of a crossed between a stuffed animal and maybe a cheerful decoration. And the little frog was filled with this sand like substance because then you could, like, pose him, you could have him sit and things like that. And. And yes, I'm a grown up who has a stuffed frog, so there's that. At first I wondered, like, what happened, right? How did this happen? But then I realized that this was the handiwork of a bored cat. And I'm, by the way, I'm looking at you, Willie.

0:03 My immediate reaction was to gather up as much of the sand as possible and to repair the tear, because this little frog had been a gift from my father. And so its value to me went well beyond any, you know, monetary worth for a small sand fil frog. Okay, so right here you can see I perceived the destruction, dramatic on purpose, of my frog as a bad thing. And I was having attachment issues. Look at how I described this little item as my frog. My frog. And my initial response was not one of acceptance.

0:03 It was to find a way to keep, again, my frog. It did not take too long for me to see the truth behind my emotions and my reactions. This was about clinging to a gift from my father. We used to give each other silly things. I mean, as I'm. I'm saying this to you, I'm looking across my room here in my office to a bookshelf. And on that bookshelf is a little stone gargoyle also a gift from my father. So I realized, really, you know, it's time. It was time to let this little frog go. He had served me well until he became a target for my cat.

0:03 Again, looking at you, Willy, I rarely paid attention to him. He was just sitting there on the dresser, part of the landscape. Once he was broken, the green and purple frog became an opportunity for me to deepen my practice. First, it was to notice the sand and to realize the source of the sand. Before I knew where the sand had originated, I perceived this as negative. Next came the realization that this frog, this representation of my relationship with my father, was broken. Then, with my perception that losing the frog was undesirable, I decided that I must repair this little memento.

0:03 Finally came the understanding. It was time to let go, sweep up the sand and the little frog and move on. Letting go did not diminish my love for my father. It didn't erase happy memories. Now this is truly a small event. From start to finish. The finding of the damaged frog to the letting go probably took less than 10 minutes. However, to me, it was impactful. I was confronted with my lack of equanimity, a reminder of the importance I place on my relationship with my father. The truth of impermanence and clinging and aversion.

0:03 Now, this. This is a living Dhamma lesson, right? The incident, it didn't inspire me to go on a hunt to remove gifts or things that I associate with people who are gone. But it has motivated me to be aware of those items. And what emotions arise in me as I look at them. What significance do I attach to these things? How would I feel if that gargoyle I see across the room disappeared? Would I notice? What if it broke? Would it be an item that I am not ready to release? There are some items that I still have, but because I do not focus on them, they are part of the scenery.

0:03 Perhaps a book or a picture that sits on a shelf. Most days I don't even notice them. If the book or the picture falls off the shelf, memories do arise as I place it back in its familiar spot. If, like the frog, the item were to be damaged, would I perceive this as negative and consider repair before release? That torn frog has shown me that my attachment exists in different measures. I'm not able to look at all of the material around all of the material items around me and consider their loss with equanimity.

0:03 I look at some of my dishes and I see a nice tray for cheese and crackers, this nice tray for cheese and crackers belonged to my mother in law. I like the tray. I use it often. I can easily envision donating it to a local charity. Now I see a special serving tray that belonged to my mother. I rarely use it, but I'm unlikely to part with it anytime soon. So there's a depth here, layers to my emotional responses. What arises is not about the thing for me anyway. It's about who that thing represents.

0:03 It's about how I perceive or continue to experience my relationship with the person behind the thing. How is my clinging and aversion showing up? And how can I move beyond clinging and aversion and and view each of these things with equanimity? So many opportunities to practice. Who knew that when my father gave me this silly little purple and green frog all those years ago that it would become so much more than a cute little memento? Who or what knew? Karma knew. You've been listening to the Death Dhamma podcast with your host, Margaret Maloney.

0:03 Thank you so much for being here. Come find me on margaretmeloni.com M A R G A R E T M E L o n I.com and until we meet again, may you be well, may you be happy, may you be at ease, and may you be free from suffering. Bye for now.